But not in an Adele way.  I am not really a big fan of Adele’s music.  No.  This is hello, as in Hola Hamijos!  :)

Hola mug

I found these mugs at Target (a U.S. retail store, for those in Spain who don’t know what Target is) the other day.  I smiled when I saw them, because they made me think of Torbe.  So I bought them.  And I love them.

Torbe is back on YouTube after a two-week suspension.  Once again, some idiot complained about him to the powers that be, and they just suspended Torbe from his Torbe Dice account for a couple of weeks.  Trolls.  They never leave Torbe alone.

I really enjoyed his latest submission about his advice to porn chicks about money management….which, if they were smart, they would listen to intently.  But they don’t. Silly, stupid girls. Torbe knows about money.



Very few people know of my interest in and Internet friendship with Torbe.  Truth be told, I still haven’t told my mother that I am cyberbuds with the King of Spanish Porn…much less let her in on the fact that she is the one who technically introduced me to him (for backstory on this, read New Readers post).  :)

torbe cerda ramona

One of my close friends who does know of my interactions with Torbe thinks it is perfectly normal for me to be learning Spanish by interacting online for years with the King of Spanish Porn.  But she is a very unusual person, which is probably why I felt comfortable in sharing this info with her in the first place.

During one of our recent Starbucks “gal chat” meet up sessions, I mentioned something interesting that Torbe had done recently, just as a matter of conversation.  She looked at me intently and said, “I don’t think you have a clue what you are to him.”

Well.  That stopped me in my tracks.  What “I” am to Torbe?  Um…I am nothing to Torbe.  He is very kind to take the time to interact with me as a fan, and that’s what I told my friend.  Then she said this to me:

“You really don’t understand this at all, do you?  He’s your Dr. Who.  And you’re his companion.”

dr whos

Dr. Who, the infamous BBC television series, has become hugely popular over here in the States over the past several years.  Part of this has to do with the popularity of an American television series, The Big Bang Theory, which makes many references to the show.  And part of it has to do with accessibility.  With the advent of BBC America, Netflix, Hulu, and the like, it is much easier to watch Dr. Who here now than it was in the past when you were lucky if you could catch an episode here and there late at night on PBS.  The various incarnations of Dr. Who have always had a supportive, yet many times spunky, companion to interact with on their many journeys.

Well.  My friend’s comments really took my breath away.  I realized she was essentially right.  Torbe IS my Dr. Who…an amazing man with many quirky characteristics, but also with many talents and much imagination, who pops in and out of one’s life in completely unexpected and exceedingly unusual ways over time.  And I guess I have become one of his supportive, yet spunky, companions.  :)

My only remaining question is…which companion am I???

companion donna noble

Donna Noble?

companion amy pond

Or Amy Pond?

companion sarah jane smith

Possibly Sarah Jane Smith?

companion river song

Although I find her the most intriguing companion…surely not River Song?

Maybe I am just my own kind of companion to Torbe?  A Giovanna companion.  :)


Oh. My. God.  Torbe has just posted the best video ever on his Torbe Dice YouTube account!

As previously mentioned, Torbe is in Bilbao with his family for the holidays.  Apparently he is staying with his mother and father.  His latest vlog poses this question:

Que opinan mis padres de que haga porno?

This vlog is hilarious!  Torbe’s parents spend the entire time trying to avoid the camera and avoid talking to Torbe directly about his chosen profession.

Torbe Bilbao

The home of Torbe’s parents is really lovely.  It is very different stylistically from apartments and homes I see online in Madrid.  Much more classic in decor and design.  I was particularly taken with the fact that there is a staircase heading to a second floor…I have not seen that before in Madrid photos at all.  And I love the crown molding and architectural detail of the rooms.

Torbe’s interactions with his parents is very cute too.  :)  He teases them, but in a respectful way.  They seem like very nice people with good senses of humor to appear in Torbe’s vlog in this way!  I would love to meet them someday.  I bet they could tell some great stories about their son during his childhood and adolescence.

Thank you, Torbe, for this vlog.  It was the best Christmas present ever!  I am still laughing and am watching it over and over again.  Great job, and thank you for sharing a little bit of your Allende family holiday with us!





Christmas 2015

Merry Christmas to all of my Torbe En Todo followers!  And a very special Merry Christmas to my dear friend Torbe himself.  :)

First things first.  Torbe Christmas update, of course!  Torbe flew to Bilbao on Nochebuena (what we here call Christmas Eve) to spend the holiday with his family.  From the brief video clips he posted on Instagram, it looked like he was having a good time.  I always get a kick out of seeing Torbe in his home environment.  I know he loves living in Madrid, but Bilbao really attracts me as well.  I find the Basque culture fascinating, which is no surprise, since I find Torbe — who hails from there — fascinating as well.

Yes.  Yes, I do still find him fascinating, even after all this time.  Five-plus years and still going strong.  He never bores me, and he always keeps me moving forward with my Spanish comprehension levels.  This year he really pushed me to my comprehension limits with his Torbe Dice videos on YouTube.  It is still a struggle for me to understand all of them, but I must admit that it is really moving me forward in my ability to understand spoken Spanish.

Unfortunately, there is only so much free time in my day, so my blog posts have declined because I am so entranced by deciphering Torbe’s vlog posts.  Oh well.  I will try to do better in 2016.


Candy cane

Now.  Christmas in Madrid.  It seems so different there than it is here. This really hit home with me when I saw an Instagram post from one of my favorite young women expats.  She posted a photo of a jar of candy canes and said that she was happy to have something from home there with her for her Christmas in Madrid.

Seriously.  They don’t have candy canes in Madrid?  That’s terrible!

I then started thinking about other weird Christmas things in Madrid, and the Christmas light displays immediately came to mind.  How can I put this?  It’s just really…different looking.  To my American eye, at any rate.

puerta del sol tree

Madrid, at least in the central part of the city, is all lit up with displays…starting at the end of November all the way through Three Kings Day, which this year falls on January 6th.  We don’t make a big deal of this day here.  Technically, it is the 12th day of Christmas.  Christians here celebrate it religiously as the Feast of the Epiphany, as it marks the biblical adoration of the baby Jesus by the Three Kings, or Three Magi.  But in Spain, it is a big deal on a secular level too.


Anyway, the Christmas trees aren’t real trees in Spain.  They are sponsored by various businesses and are quite glittery.  But they aren’t trees.  They are cones.  The most well-known one is from the photo above in the Puerta del Sol.  But there are many other displays that are sponsored throughout the central city area, and not all include trees.  Or as I see them…Christmas Cones, ha ha!


The one above is from Chueca…

Madrid City Hall Christmas lights

And this one is from Madrid City Hall, at the Plaza de Cibeles…


And I don’t know where this one is from.  :)

There is also something called a Navibus, which lets you take a ride around the city to view all of the light displays.  Sounds like fun, even if the decorations are more like something you would see in Las Vegas than on Main Street, USA (both real life and Disney versions).  :)

Anyway…Merry Christmas again to all of my loyal Torbe En Todo friends all over the world.  We all share a love of All Things Torbe!  I hope Torbe posts some Christmas photos on Twitter and Instagram of Bilbao at Christmas!  I wonder if it is different from Madrid???

Plot twist

One of the things I like most about Torbe is his resilience.  If there were a dictionary of cliche phrases, his picture would be next to this one: “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.


There have been a couple of plot twists (as I like to think of them) in Torbe’s life recently.  As usual, he is handling them with style, grace, and general aplomb.


First, Torbe announced recently on his blog that he is shelving his movie project, Putero y yo.  I was sad to read this, but if Torbe is not happy with the end product, he is wise to cut his losses.  He said he is now viewing the whole thing as a learning experience, sort of like getting a master’s degree in cinema.  He will make a feature film some day in the future, and will do a better job of it as a result of having gone through his Putero y yo experience.

Second, Torbe is going to get checked for diabetes.  He seems concerned that he might be suffering some symptoms after reading an article about how many Spanish people have this condition and don’t know it.  I hope he doesn’t have diabetes, but I am glad he is going to get himself checked out for it just in case.

falling down

Finally, Torbe is de-bunking the story in the Spanish press a while back about how he wants to leave the porn industry.  Torbe says he was misquoted when the news got out that he was making a non-porn film (Putero y yo).

Torbe cambiar la vida

Torbe is always up for a change in his life, as indicated in this headline…but not in ways that take him out of the porn arena. At least not yet.

Hola hamijos

Torbe’s latest addition to his Torbe dice video library is absolutely hilarious.

torbe dice hamijos2

Torbe has established a pattern of always using the same greeting: Hola hamijos!  It is quite cute.  He puts a different spin on how he says it in each vlog, and the version he has come up with for this particular edition is spectacular.  He even posted a short clip of it on Instagram.  It is definitely worth watching.

The topic of this segment deals with how to drive a woman crazy in bed.  Torbe likes to share with his fans from time to time some helpful hints he has learned through his vast sexual experiences with women.  In this vlog, he explains in great detail — complete with props — a particular technique that he purports drives women insane in the sack.

torbe dice hamijos

I about fell out of my chair when I watched his demonstration with a light bulb and a roll of tape!  Soooooo funny!  Again, I don’t know if I particularly agree with Torbe’s recommended sex techniques, but he is definitely the expert, so I will defer to him in that arena for sure.  I will just say that not all of his suggested techniques will appeal to all women, and leave it at that.  :)

I have become completely obsessed with watching all of Torbe’s vlogs.  His written blog posts have gotten shorter, but he has been uploading his vlogs quite often.  So far, I still like the ones where Torbe is walking around Madrid best, although they can be hard for me to understand, depending on the background noise.  I also like the ones he does in his apartment that include Ramona, Jacinta, and Araceli in supporting roles.  But really…any vlog of Torbe’s is worth watching and listening to.

Roller coasters

I live less than an hour away from what some people consider to be the best roller coaster park in the world.  Seriously.  If you don’t believe me, check out this article from the Daily Mail:  Best roller coaster park in the world.  Even the generally unflappable Brits were blown away.  You can also check out the video links in the article itself if you would like to experience some of the rides there!

roller series

Roller coasters have come a long way in the past few years.  They are taller…faster…longer…and scarier.  There are also more varieties of coasters now.  But no matter what innovations have been put into place, they all still have one thing in common.  You start out slow and then speed up!  After all, what is a roller coaster ride without speed?  :)

roller millennium_drop

So what do roller coasters have to do with Torbe?  Plenty.  At least they do for me when I am watching Torbe’s latest innovation, his Torbe Dice vlogs.

The Torbe Dice segments have developed in a very interesting way over time.  Torbe chooses different topics to talk about.   He chooses different locations in which to record his vlogs.  Sometimes he talks about current day issues, and other times he tells funny, fascinating, and hilarious stories about his life experiences.  Like a roller coaster, Torbe’s vlogs always start out slow, and then they speed up as he develops his themes.  By the end of the vlog, he is speaking extremely fast, and you really feel like you’ve experienced true Torbellino tactics, ha ha!

roller raptor

I am able to keep up with Torbe’s vlogs until about the half way point of the video.  That is usually when he starts speaking very fast, and I struggle quite a bit in my comprehension levels then.  But it is good practice for me.  I watch and listen to his vlogs over and over again until I am able to comprehend at least 75 per cent of what Torbe is saying.  And of course, Torbe is very, very funny…so I laugh a lot when I finally get to the point where I understand the jokes he makes from time to time.

Watching and listening to Torbe’s vlogs is like riding a huge roller coaster for me.  Sometimes stressful, but always exhilarating.


“Adorbs” is a slang term here used when something can be described as completely adorable.  Beyond adorable, even.  And that would be Ramona for sure!

Torbe y Ramona viajando

And Torbe is adorable, too, of course.  Beyond adorable, even.  :)

I love photos of Torbe y Ramona!

Focal points

Focal points are an interesting thing.  Most people’s eyes are drawn to a specific spot in a photograph or a painting, so when you frame your shot or you arrange your composition, you generally take that into account.

But that doesn’t work for me.  Oh no.  My line of sight is not that of your average person, particularly when it comes to looking at the photos Torbe sometimes posts.  I tend to look at anything but the main event, so to speak.

This was definitely the case the other day when I looked at Torbe’s post and accompanying video in which he explains how to bring a woman to orgasm.  Um…OK.  I did watch his video, but I don’t particularly agree with his suggestions.  But to each her own, I guess.

What I was drawn to was this:

Torbe home

What is the painting on the wall behind Torbe in his home?  Details, please, Torbe.  I want to know!  :)

She’s baaaacccckkk

Oh God.  She’s back.  Tweeting at Torbe.  And trying to get his attention once again.

Who is back, you say?  Well.  The Crazyass Chichirrera, of course.  Who else?


chicharerra tweet

She never quits.  She’s like gum on your shoe…

gum on shoe

Or kudzu…


Or maybe a jellyfish with lots of poisonous tentacles!

TOWNSVILLE, QUEENSLAND, AUSTRALIA - 09FEB05:  HQ Aquarium - the box jellyfish has the most powerful stingers and can kill a human who is not treated immediately. (Photo by Melanie Stetson Freeman/The Christian Science Monitor/Getty Images)   Original Filename: 77750915.jpg

TOWNSVILLE, QUEENSLAND, AUSTRALIA – 09FEB05: HQ Aquarium – the box jellyfish has the most powerful stingers and can kill a human who is not treated immediately. (Photo by Melanie Stetson Freeman/The Christian Science Monitor/Getty Images) Original Filename: 77750915.jpg

Whatever.  You get the idea.  She’s after Torbe again.  Torbe does a vlog about how he needs to have 10,000 Euros per month to spend on putas and good meals, and she is right on his tail once more.

Torbe can handle her, I know.  She is just so annoying though. As I said earlier…blech.


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